Ideas, ideas, ideas! That’s what Hollywood wants. And we here at Pinque Pony have them in spades. And clubs. And sassy diamonds.
If our favorite TV Networks are reading this, and we know you are, we have the next Big Watercooler Show for you that will win Emmys, be talked about amongst friends in lieu of actual meaningful conversation, and be TiVoed by that all-important 18-34 market. In fact, we have seven!
Two in the Pinque
Premise: Andy and John star as Randy and Don, two gay gynecologists who moonlight as Moonlighting cosplay experts. Their practice, Gay For Vaginas, is at odds with their ever-more demanding Moonlighting Expo schedule. They have to choose between reluctant pap smears and dressing up like Cybill Shepherd.
Costarring: Jackee Harry costars as a quippy nurse who makes lots of female anatomy puns.
New York Coffee Shoulder Pads
Premise: Andy and John star in a throwback mid-1990s NBC sitcom set in New York, about a bunch of white people who drink coffee and observe things. Andy plays Skip Tripp, a radio host who loves getting coffee at the same diner all the time. John plays Brad Stein, a single guy looking for love in all the wrong fading-movie-star guest stars.
Costarring: Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Megan Mullally, Jonathan Silverman, a building exterior that will be added to NYC bus tours, the concept that 21 million viewers will always be normal
The Laura Linney Chronicles
Premise: Andy stars as The Truman Show Laura Linney and John stars as The Big C Laura Linney, who meet when Bob Newhart farts and a time portal opens up backstage at the Emmys. They must find their way back to their respective time lines, and also uncover the nuanced differences of their roles.
Costarring: Laura Linney as You Can Count on Me Laura Linney.
Law Cops SWV
Premise: Andy and John star as gay lawyer-cops who arrest and then defend New York’s (alleged) criminal masterminds. In the court room, they only use lyrics from SWV songs to make their arguments.
Costarring: The cast of Smash as a bunch of emotionally destroyed baristas.
Premise: It’s the 1970s world of advertising and two powerful ad ladies, Crystal Jones and Sapphire St . Garnet (Andy and John), are really uber-pissed because they just spilled cheese fondu all over their macrame while driving in their Yugos, and, you know, Gerald Ford n’ shit.
Costarring: Henry Winkler, Davy Jones, Florence Henderson, H&R Puff n’ Stuff, a bowl full of keys, that one Bruce Springsteen song that really makes you think of home, an oil crisis probably, Margot Kidder
Game of Meth
Premise: A bunch of knights and medieval dwarves do a bunch of meth in rural New Mexico and then kill each other and have all these moments where their masculinity is in crisis, interspliced with footage of Andy and John recreating the best musical numbers from Bette Midler’s The Divine Miss M.
Costarring: A bunch of bloggers who understand this is the Best Thing Ever Made and can explain it using zero citations and four uses of the word “anti-hero.”
Premise: Andy and John Tweet about, like, how hard it all is, ugh.
Costarring: Ironic references, the inconvenient urgency of youth, Carol Kane, whatever.